old man, take a look at my life

THE BATHROOM BLOG

with Barry Dingle

A woman, I am not. So I cannot speak for them on this subject. I can only hope that it's the same for them because it's a piece of social entertainment that everyone deserves.

Those old men who come into the bathroom, they are my favorite. They've finally gotten to a point in their lives where they simply do-not-give-a-junk. They're old. They can grunt, fart, cough, struggle, sneeze, laugh, sigh, and talk to themselves and no one bats an eyelash. I want that. I cannot wait to have that kind of social immunity.

Everyday, I would walk into the bathroom and drop my pants before getting to the stall. I would talk to myself about the day's news while I situated myself on the toilet. I would breathe heavy and exhale loudly while moaning. When I won the battle, I would exclaim, "Sweet Pecos Bill!" and throw toilet paper in the air.

I would ask the men in the room if they would like to see my handy work before I flush it away forever. I would slap young awkward guys on the ass and tell them, "Good job!" I would tell everyone which stall to avoid while I wash my hands. I would smile at young boys and tell that God sees what they do at night when no one is home. 

I would be the happiest old man in the world.

2.6.09