Friday, February 27, 2009

flatulence, undead

with Barry Dingle

Last year I was at San Diego Comic-Con and let me just say, that is one of the best places to use the restroom. It's so freeing. There are so many overweight men who are used to using diapers in their parents' basement that there is a complete and utter lack of classy bathroom code. It's a free-for-all -- a symphony of talking, grunting, and ass blasting.

I was dressed up as a zombie for work purposes and rolled into the men's room to make use of the urinal. While I evacuated, a man, we'll call him Boljarious, ripped a loud fart. Welcome to Comic-Con. The guy next to him started laughing and Boljarious turned.

"Well, now you know I'm not dead. Dead people don't fart," he said.

The bathroom shook as my anus released an awe-inspiring thunder. The guys turned to me, unsure whether to be more disturbed by my air horn of an ass or my zombie makeup.

I replied in a deep voice, "Me not so sure."

Not sure why I needed to sound like a mongoloid, but that's how it went down. They didn't know what to say and the insecurity took over. Luckily, I wasn't really dead so I was able to make a quick exit.

My bit of advice, don't try to be clever or talk to people.


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